Free at Last!

Another school year in a new school has officially begun.  Already, things are looking up from last year.

If I had one word to describe the general feeling of these first few weeks it would be "freedom".  Ella is finally free from the torment of the mean kids who haunted her for 9 months.  Free from a teacher who didn't seem to really care about her.  Free from the restrictive structure of the old school.  Free to be herself.  What a precious gift!

It reminds me of the reading I've been doing in Isaiah, with the Bible in 90 Days plan.  The Israelites had sinned over and over again.  The consequences of their many sins were harsh.  Isaiah prophesied that after years of living in the Promised Land, consistently giving their hearts and souls over to false gods, God was going to kick them out.  It would break His Heart, but he had to do it to draw them back.  Exile would be even more difficult than they'd ever imagined.  They had not known what it was truly like to have God's Hand taken from them until they were forced from their homes, away from their families, and into slavery.  So, think for a moment what they must have felt when they heard the words of  Isaiah.  God used his servant to tell them of a Redeemer Who would free them from their chains of bondage and sin.  This Savior, Jesus Christ, would gather them back to the God Who created them and loved them more than anything.  "'For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.  In a surge of anger, I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you,' says the LORD your Redeemer...'In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.'" (Is. 54:7-8; 14). 

The Israelites would once again be able to experience the freedom that comes from knowing the Father.  The words of Isaiah must have been like water spilling over parched ground.  The exiles would be gathered once again under the shadow of Yahweh's protective wings.  "Instead of their shame My people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." (Is. 61:7)

I pray every day that Ella experiences the same joy over her new found freedom.  That it pours like rain with each new day in a new school.  That God would bestow on her a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  That she would be called an oak of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. (taken from Is. 61:3)  

Dear friend, I pray the same for you.  If you don't know Christ and the liberty that He bought for you when He died on the cross, I encourage you to go out and look for Him. You will find Him! ~ "Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,and to our God, for he will freely pardon." (Is. 55:6-7)  

Posts, They Are A'Coming!

I want to apologize for my lack of writing over the past few months.  Between finishing up a difficult school year with Ella, enrolling her in a new school, and starting our summer break, it's been a tad bit insane around here.  I promise more posts are coming.  In fact, I have one in the works that should be coming along some time this week.  So, thanks for hanging in here with me!  Here's a little glimpse of summer fun to tide you over: 

Just Like My Daddy

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the LORD, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the LORD, the Spirit." ~ 2 Corinthians 3:18

I love watching the relationship my daughter has with her Daddy. She idolizes him, wants to be like him, and longs to spend time with him. It occurred to me one day as I listened to her talk about him, that God is using her to show me the perfect example of how I am to love and adore Him, the One who is my Abba Father.

Every morning when my daughter wakes up, her first thought is “Is Daddy here?”. Many mornings, he has already gone to work for the day and there is such great disappointment that she did not get to say good-bye. But, on the mornings he is here, she barrels down the hall with such speed that you'd think her room was on fire! She just bursts forth with the thought of seeing her beloved Dad. She loves making breakfast with him, a tradition that I hope will last them well into her teenage years. After many mornings of hearing her feet rapidly pattering down the hallway, I finally realized that this is how I am to greet my precious Heavenly Father. I should be so excited to see Him in the mornings, that I ought to literally jump out of bed at the thought of meeting with Him! Sadly, this is rarely how I approach my time with Him. Often, I am dragging myself out from under the comfort of the covers, already grumpy that my daughter has woken me up. I stumble into the kitchen, slamming dishes around, trying to scrounge up some breakfast. After getting onto my daughter one more time for being so LOUD in the mornings, I finally sit down to eat. It is only then that I open the Word and try to find a connection to my God. I wonder what my day would be like, though, if I did run to Him the way my daughter runs to greet her father. He is always there, waiting for me to meet with Him.

My daughter not only loves to spend time with her Dad, she also wants to be JUST like him. We get a big kick out of some of the things she will say and do to emulate him. In her mind, he is the perfect man – her prince! If Daddy likes basketball and golf, well she is going to do her best to like those things, too. The other day, they were eating dinner at a Mexican restaurant, when she forgot to tell the waiter that she did not want beans with her meal. She freaked out a little bit that the beans were there on her plate and were leaking over into her rice! She had decided a while back that she did not like refried beans. We thought it was just her picky taste buds, but she said something to my husband that made us think differently. She told him that since he didn't eat those beans, then she didn't want to either because she wanted to be just like him. Again, God reminded me that this is how I ought to think about His ways. My utmost desire should be to look like Him, act like Him, love what He loves, and hate what He hates. If He doesn't like something in my life, I shouldn't even want it on my “plate”, for fear that it might leak into everything else on the plate, thereby ruining the meal.

I am encouraged by the fact that even though I don't always give Him my best, my Father is always waiting for me to come running to Him. He is thrilled to see me, though my hair may be in a funk, I'm wearing the same pajamas I've worn three nights in a row, and I still have sleep in my eyes! And I'm thankful that He is the Prince I can always count on to save the day. He will never steer me wrong, so I can trust Him and walk faithfully in His ways. I pray one day, I will finally treat Him as He deserves to be treated so that I can show my daughter how to love Him as she loves her Daddy.

Prayer:  Abba Father, I come running to meet with You today. Thank You for Your never-ending desire to fellowship with me. I want to be just like You. Please help me to love the things You love. Forgive me when I allow things to creep into my life that shouldn't be there. May my life be a perfect reflection of You. Amen.

Further Reading:  Romans 8:29, Ephesians 4:22-24, Psalm 5:3, Isaiah 50:4, Mark 1:35

****You may remember that last year, I attended the She Speaks Conference.  God used this conference in so many ways and I am still trying to process it all.  I would love to have the opportunity to go again this year because I truly believe in the mission of this organization.  The She Speaks Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of God.  I hope you know from my blog that this is my desire as well.  Ann Voskamp is sponsoring a scholarship contest for a chance to go to the conference this year.  This is my entry for that contest.  Please click on over to her blog to find out more details.

Learning to Swim

Swimming lessons have been attempted 3 times over the past 4 years.  Living in northwest Florida really leaves us no other choice.  The girl has got to learn to swim.  But, as you can see by the look on her face, it hasn't gone well.

This was actually the second year we tried it, and believe it or not, this was much better than the year before.  At least this time, she was in the water.  Her first lessons consisted of her sitting on the edge of the pool for the first few nights, then the screaming began and we couldn't even get her to sit. It was a battle not worth fighting.  So, we became swim lesson drop-outs, much to the chagrin of my husband, who never quits anything sports related.

Well, three must be a charm, because the lessons went pretty well this past summer.  Praise the LORD, she finally got in the water without sounding the alarms!  She even put her head under water a few times (you know, while sitting on the step).

I have struggled to understand my daughter's lack of trust in me, my husband, and all those swim instructors.  Every time I'm in the water with her, I have to remind her that I'm RIGHT THERE!  If I let go for a second, she's searching for me, crying out to me, as if I've gotten up and left her there alone.  From her perspective, unless she can feel my arm supporting her, I am not there for her.  It seems as though I've abandoned her to sink or swim on her own.

This week, as I've watched the horrific coverage of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, I've been forced to think once again about trust.  Do I trust God?  Do I know that even in the midst of chaos and death, He is there?  If everything I had was gone, would I still believe in His faithfulness?

Like tidal waves that ebb and flow, so goes my trust in God.  When things are good, I ride those waves, soaring high!  When things are bad, I fall with the waves, crashing to the shore.  How many swim lessons will God have to give me before I learn to trust Him?

Over the past year and a half, I have felt those crushing waves of distrust.  A dear friend losing her precious firstborn son.  Another sweet friend losing a baby through miscarriage.  People I'd trusted falling from the pedestal I'd placed them on.  My baby girl and I being separated for the first time in almost 7 years, forcing me to entrust her education and 8 hours of each day to someone else, while watching her struggle and fight for her place in a new school.  Earthquakes, tsunamis, war, and unrest happening all over the world.  I'd be lying if I told you that my faith has not been tossed around, shaken, and turned on its head. 

Were it not for the faithfulness of God in my past, it would be difficult for me to cling to Him for my future.  In the rear view mirror of my life, I can look back to those times when my world seemed to be crumbling down, and see Him in the middle of it all.  He has carried me through hard times and shown me His Goodness.  His Word has provided me with constant reminders of His Trustworthiness.  And, more than this, I have sensed His Presence.  He is always near, even when I can't see or feel Him. 

I'm sure that God shakes His Head at me sometimes, the way I shake my head at my daughter.  He longs for me to know that when I'm in the drowning waves of distrust, He is RIGHT THERE!  He is never more than an arm's reach away.  He will never abandon me to sink or swim on my own.  I can trust Him.  He keeps His promises.  He is Faithful. 

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." ~ Hebrews 10:23

** For further reading on the faithfulness of God, read about Joseph in Genesis 37-47.

Everything Made New

She jumped into the car with unbridled enthusiasm.  Her excitement just could not be contained.  Her day had been great.  Wonderful!  Awesome!  On this particular day, her second grade class had been given a glimpse of what it will be like to be third grade students next year.  She was thrilled by the prospect.  So much so that she continued in her happy little mood, even while telling me about the boy who had hit her in the face.  Nothing could deter her joy.  Not even the bullies.  She looked forward to the year ahead, when the bullies would no longer bother her.  When she would not be the "new" kid.  When school would finally feel like home.  And everything would be made new.

New songs to sing.

New skills to learn.

New friends to make.

New teacher.

New schedule.

New classroom.

Her faith challenges me.  She truly believes that things will be better next year.  I pray they will.  It's been a tough year, plugging through her first time in a school building.  She has done so well, navigating all of the obstacles along the way.  She has made huge academic strides.  Unfortunately, she has also had to figure out how to cope with what it means to struggle.  Those kids around her haven't been the kind, compassionate sort that I had hoped would surround her.  Working her way into a group of children who have been together for 3-4 years has been difficult to say the least.  But still she has faith in what will be. 

This is the kind of faith I desire.  Faith that overlooks the bumps in the road for the vision of what's to come.  This world is not my home.  My struggles pale in the light of an eternal inheritance.  How I long to live with joy and passion that comes from knowing that, one day, things will be better. 

One day, "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4) 

One day, "The sons of those who afflicted you shall come bending low to you, and all who despised you shall bow down at your feet." (Isaiah 60:14)

One day, "The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad; the desert shall rejoice and blossom like the crocus; it shall blossom abundantly and rejoice with joy and singing. The glory of Lebanon shall be given to it, the majesty of Carmel and Sharon. They shall see the glory of the Lord, the majesty of our God. Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, 'Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.' Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped; then shall the lame man leap like a deer, and the tongue of the mute sing for joy. For waters break forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert; the burning sand shall become a pool, and the thirsty ground springs of water; in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down, the grass shall become reeds and rushes. And a highway shall be there, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it. It shall belong to those who walk on the way; even if they are fools, they shall not go astray. No lion shall be there, nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it; they shall not be found there, but the redeemed shall walk there. And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away." (Isaiah 35)

One glorious day, all my enemies will be put to rest.  Pain, doubt, fear and insecurity will fall away.  I will no longer feel like a stranger in that place.  I will finally be home.  And everything will be made new!

New body with none of the aches and pains.

New songs to sing.

New city with a mansion prepared just for me.

New friends to make (Paul, Moses, Joseph, and Ruth!).

New schedule of constant worship before my King.


And when I think about all that is to come, nothing can deter my joy.  Not even the bullies.

I Heart Faces Photo Challenge ~ Cell Phone

I have never enetered one of these contests before because I'm always intimidated by the beautiful photos of the professional photographers out there! This challenge appealed to me, though, because the theme is cell phone photos! I love this photo I took recently of Ella at the park. We'd had a lovely afternoon together at the library and were just hanging out. The library park had this fun swing that fits 2 people. We stayed on that swing for almost half an hour, just chatting about life. Sweet memories!  I took this with my Samsung Solstice and ran a few of Pioneer Woman's actions on it.

The contest ends tonight, so if you'd like to enter, follow the link below:

Thankful Thursday

Things have been difficult for my daughter at school lately.  As a result, my heart has hurt and stressed and worried much more than it should.  I know I can lay these burdens down at the foot of the cross.  I know that the God Who has carried me will carry her.  I know that she is where she needs to be. 

Instead of letting anxious thoughts consume me, I am trying to dwell on the positive and be thankful.  I love how the New Living Bible states this verse:  "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." ~ Philippians 4:6


So, I am counting my blessings today.  
 
For these things and many more, I am truly thankful: 

• A new traffic light on my route to school that helps to get me there on time, even when I run late.
• The cool air that wafts into my bathroom in the mornings, preventing me from starting the day off sweaty and grouchy.
• Listening to the birds sing their songs from my beautiful, wooded backyard.
• The new hair "stapler" (as Ella calls it) I got for my birthday that makes my hair smooth and soft and much easier to handle. 
• Ella's math test last week, on which she made a B+!
• The great progress we can see that she is making, despite the grades she brings home.
• That my daughter loves school and wants to go, even when it's hard.
• A teacher and principal who are doing their best to help my child.
• The Word of God that is being planted into Ella's heart at school, home, and church.
• The lessons of endurance and dependence on God that my daughter is learning through her circumstances.
• Cracker Barrel's yummy breakfast and the chance to eat it with 3 great friends over the past 2 weeks. 
• Having my family all in one city.  I know this is such a blessing and I pray I don't ever take it for granted.  The fact that I get to work with members of my family is icing on the cake (most of the time, lol!).
• A special afternoon with my special girl yesterday - shopping, Frostys, and singing "Don't Stop Believin'" at the top of our lungs! 

What are you thankful for on this October morning? 

Sticks and Stones...

may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. 
Has it been your experience that the exact opposite is true? That words really do hurt? That those who are intent on hurting other people will wield whatever weapon is most convenient to them, be it their fists or their tongues?

If you have read the recent headlines, you know that there have been some very serious incidences involving bullies lately. Feeling they had no way out, several victims have taken their own lives.

Let this be our wake-up call. We can no longer afford to be silent on this issue.

No matter what you think about Ellen, her heartfelt plea needs to be heard:

• 1 in 3 students say they have been bullied.

• 160,000 students miss school EACH DAY to avoid bullies.

• 6 in 10 teens witness bullying at least ONCE A DAY. (source: http://www.pacer.org/)

When are we going to say enough is enough?

It's time to put an end to the epidemic.

This father finally said, “Enough!” and is now facing his own set of consequences. Where was the reprimand for the students who did the very same thing to his 13-year-old child?






I know how this father feels. Though my child has not been as severely teased as this young lady, I know the emotions that would drive a father to take matters into his own hands.

As a new student in a close-knit school, my daughter seems to have the words “Tease Me” tattooed on her forehead.

My daughter is in second grade.

In a Christian school.

First it was the boy who sat behind her, pulling her hair, tapping on her shoulder, kicking her seat, constantly pestering. Thankfully, the teacher moved him before things got worse. Then it was the two boys stealing her pencils and throwing her books and papers down the aisle. The same boys have tried to blame Ella for their mischievous acts. Most recently, it has been a “gang” of “lunchbox kids”, pouncing on her every move at lunch. They've labeled her a “baby” and frequently tell her she should go back to K5.

What would possess seven- and eight-year-old children to taunt someone else? I cannot understand where this kind of mentality comes from. This kind of unsolicited harassment. Picking on someone just because they are new, or look different, or need help.


The Bullying of Seth Walsh: Requiem for a Small-Town Boy

When I was a teacher, I did not tolerate teasing in my classroom. It has always been one of my biggest pet peeves. To this day, it ruffles my feathers more than just a little bit to hear the name-calling and back-biting. Memories of my childhood are not very clear anymore, but I remember specific instances where I was teased. Being told that I had a big nose, being punched in the face by the boy next door, being ridiculed for things beyond my control.

I have no tolerance for bullies.

However, I can see the other side of the equation. I do see that many bullies are hurting, lost souls, who are crying out for help. Having been wounded themselves, they take their anger out on everyone else in an effort to make themselves look better, feel stronger. Most bullies I have known would like nothing more than to have a close friend, but seem to find a way to push everyone away. Trapped in a vicious cycle of hatred. Bullying has also become a way to move up the social ladder. A way to become “cool”. A way of getting some much-needed attention.

 

What is the solution to the bullying epidemic? LOVE. Are we showing love and supporting the victims of teasing and abuse? Are we there for them when they tell us something isn't right? Are we stepping in when they entrust us with their fears? Are we showing them Christ-like ways to handle the bullies in their lives? WE need to stand up for our children. WE need to teach them how to stand up for themselves - not with violence, but with words. Words that say, "Enough!".

What about the bullies? Are we loving them with Christ's love? Are we teaching our children to love even the most vile, horrific bully? Are we showing them how to turn the other cheek when a driver bullies us on the road? Are we behaving like Jesus when we are faced with people who treat us poorly?

There are many resources out there to help you talk to your children about this very important topic and I encourage you to take a look at some of these links:

• Education.com
• Bullying.org
• Stop Bullying Now
• Bullying Suicide Project
• Openbible - Bullying
• CBN Article on Bullying
• Christianmommies.com - Stop Bullying
• Biblewise.com Article
• Crosswalk.com Article

In our situation, the teacher is doing her part to stop the bullying of my daughter. But, it was only because I took the initiative to bring it to her attention. With 32 students in her class, there is no way she can catch every instance. Parents, talk to your kids. Find out if they are being teased or doing the teasing. You are the frontline in this battle. Do your part!

**When doing some research for this post, I discovered that this week (October 3-9) is Bullying Prevention Awareness Week. This might be a good time for you to talk to your kids about being bullied or being a bully. **

Do You Remember September?

September.  Miracles happen in September.  With the fresh, cool air blows a renewing spirit.  A refreshing to my soul.  For you see, September is my month.  The month God has hand-wrapped as a special memorial to His healing grace. 

Not only did He heal and restore my body and soul on a day in September that the world would wish not to remember, He also gave me the perfect gift.  The child I had so desperately wanted. 

Doctors told me I'd never carry her.  They'd spoken those words like daggers through my heart. 

But God. 

God saw fit to bless my life with hers on the very day of my healing, exactly two years after I'd been fitted with a titanium spine.  A ray of sunshine to remind me once again that, yes, miracles do happen.

And they come in the form of dimpled cheeks and deep blue eyes.  Sweetness in a bundle of pink.

Then, just like that, seven years disappeared. 

Years of belly laughs and tears.

Learning and listening.

Grit and grace and growth.

 

And, now we are here.  Seven years old already.  It feels like seconds and centuries at the same time. 

My baby, turning into a little lady. 

Happy 7th Birthday, my sweet girl!

I thank God for the memories and the miracle of you.  I pray His favor over you all your life.  May you seek Him and find Him and know Him and love Him with complete abandon.  For though I love you bigger than the earth, sun, and moon, He loves you even more than that.  Bask in His delight this day and always. 

4:45 AM

That was the time of my wake-up call this morning.  When two giggly girls emerged from Ella's room, all refreshed and revived from all 7 hours of beauty sleep.  I, on the other hand, am a walking zombie after 4 & 1/2 hours of ugly sleep.  How I'm even able to compose a sentence is a miracle, I tell you.  But, that's not what this post is about, so let's move on.

Ella is having her first sleepover.  Well, that's not technically correct.  We have had dear friends come into town on occasion, and she has had week-long slumber parties with her buddies.  But, this is the first time she has been able to invite a friend on her own to spend the night.  It's actually been a joy (with the exception of the aforementioned wake-up call) to watch my daughter interact with her friend.  She was literally beside herself with excitement yesterday as we waited for her friend to arrive. 

"It will be just like having a sister," she proclaimed with a squeal.

Little does she know how those words break my heart.  How watching her with a close friend, how having a constant playmate for just a day or two, makes me long even more for the sibling she may never have. 

Pizza was gobbled down over cute conversations about likes and dislikes.  Cupcakes were made, decorated, and eaten, between bouts of imaginary play.  Dressing up as princesses and putting on a show.  Snuggling up to watch a movie, then talking themselves to sleep.  Waking up early (did I mention it was 4:45??), conspiring to have pancakes for breakfast.  Spinning, twirling, laughing, fighting, hugging.

In the end, the friend must go home, and my daughter's life will return to normal.  Normal is mom as her only playmate.  Boring old mom who doesn't like to play dress-up or talk the Barbies.  Mom who drags her around on errands instead of enjoying 20 episodes of "Phineas & Ferb" or "The Suite Life". 

In the end, it's just mom, dad, and Ella.  If God doesn't intervene and open my womb or see fit to bless us through adoption, that's the way it will stay.  It is my constant prayer that she will be content with her family of three.  That I will be content.  For we are truly blessed beyond anything I could have asked or imagined. 

But, sometimes, the same old wound opens back up and bleeds just a little before it scabs back over. 

Ella-isms

The days fly by so quickly and soon she will be seven.  Seven!  A number I can hardly imagine.  Two and three seem so far, and yet so close in my memory.  Tonight, I found a notebook page with a scribbled list of some of her expressions and words from those early years.  Share a laugh with me and think back to that cherub-cheeked girl with the golden curls...

• stick lips = chop sticks
• fridgelator = refrigerator
• Barnes & "Notebook" (her favorite store back then)
• Big Locks = Big Lots
• ellalator = elevator
• ellabrella = umbrella
• ellabody = everybody (are you sensing a pattern here?)
• spill out = throw up
• spend = spend the night ("I want to spend with Memaw tonight!")
• target = guitar ("Mommy, are you gonna play your target?")
• Peanut Butterina = Prima Ballerina (on a t-shirt she wore)
• birthday cakes = pancakes
• pennies = panties
• crap = craft ("Mommy, can we do a crap today?")
• ponies = ponytails
• dip in it = dip (her description for any kind of condiment)
• syrpup = syrup
• askident = accident ("Mommy, I had an askident!")
• talent show = hotel
• sketti = spaghetti
• copterpillar = helicopter
• sauches = sausage
• meches = message

Tonight, I cannot think of her, all grown-up, going into 2nd grade.  Tonight, I choose to remember her younger days and wish, for a moment, that she could stay this way forever.

Reflections

Every September, I find myself reflecting on the past. God has singled out this month for us and filled it with life-altering events. I wrote about these events last year on my old blog and you can read about them here. This year marks the 7th year that titanium rods have literally held me upright. Though some of the pain has resurfaced, I have to continually praise my God for the way He healed me so that I could walk without my legs caving underneath me, sit and stand for long periods of time without my nerves constantly haunting me, and so that I could carry and deliver a beautiful, brilliant baby girl 5 years ago today.

Ella was born on September 18, 2003, at 9:55pm. She weighed 8 lbs., 3 oz. and was 21 inches long. After a long labor at home (around 19 hours!), I headed to the hospital somewhere around 1pm. When I went in, I was 4cm dilated, but after waiting around for an hour, my water started leaking and I was up to a 5 - ready to be officially admitted! I continued to have strong contractions for a few more hours. Because of the instrumentation in my spine and my "wacky" anatomy, I wasn't allowing an epidural anywhere near me. I did have something to take the edge off, which helped me sleep off and on through some of the contractions. At around 8, I was getting close to being ready to push. That's when things went awry. Ella was sunny-side up and after some not-so-fun "interventions" by the doctor, and pushing for an hour & 1/2, I was screaming for a C-section. Again, because I couldn't have an epidural, I was put completely under and Paul was not allowed to come in with me. Half an hour later, Ella came into the world. I hated not being able to hold her right away, but was so thankful that she and I had both made it out alive! ;) She was born on the 2nd anniversary of my 2nd major back surgery (the very thing that God had used to prepare my body for this miracle!!).

Though I am eternally grateful for what I consider to be one of God's greatest gifts to me, tonight I find myself a bit sad to have reached this milestone with her. Turning five just seems so grown up all of a sudden. It's that stage when she's much less baby and much more "kid". Her personality is so well-developed by now, I feel as if I'm seeing glimpses of who she will be when she's 15, 20, and 25. She's so very independent, so spirited and funny. She mulls things around and makes such interesting observations. Ella is sensitive and compassionate. Stubborn and intense, yet soft and silly. Always the entertainer, her number one goal is to make everyone laugh. When she was born, I never would have imagined this firecracker that she would become...this ray of sunshine. I pray that she will not lose these wonderful qualities, but that God would help us to cultivate her strengths so that she will become a young woman of integrity and great character. I pray that while we teach her to come into her own that she will not lose her fierce love for us and her family. I pray most of all that God would draw her to Himself, as I already see Him doing in all of her questions and curiosity about Him. Thank you, Lord, for this dear, sweet treasure that you entrusted to me five years ago.



The sadness over her birthday stems also from the feeling that this is it for us. She may very well be our one and only. God has brought me leaps and bounds beyond the days when He first began working on my heart regarding this issue. However, part of me is still grieving and days like today dredge back up those hurt feelings. This could perhaps be the reason that I couldn't stop crying on Tuesday after I took cupcakes to her Mother's Day Out class and was told the class couldn't eat them (since I didn't notify them ahead of time), but they'd be happy to send them home. I was so sure that those homemade cupcakes I'd spent so much time preparing would just be thrown in the trash when the kids got home. But, the underlying emotion that day was that this is the last time I will have a child that turns 5. This is the last time I will ever take cupcakes to a class (she will be too old for MDO next year and I plan to homeschool til one of us dies, lol!). She is the last child I will raise from tiny infant to "big girl". So many "lasts" encapsulated in this one day. Yes, God continues to heal my heart, but He hasn't taken all the pain away. One of the toughest bits of this for me is worrying that Ella will be lonely. My prayer today is that Ella will be able to cultivate friendships (and family relationships) that will become surrogate siblings to her. I also pray I will continue to trust in His Sovereignty in this matter. I'm so grateful He hasn't given me a full-picture view of life. I gladly surrender such difficult things to the One Who knows the rest of the story!!

Thank you all for allowing me the indulgence of my memories. Next week, I should be able to post some updates on school and all the other goings on around here.

A Day Off

Tuesday is my official day off each week. Ella is at Mother's Day Out and it is so nice to have some time to myself. While I have been enjoying school so far, I definitely need this break during the week. I'll have to figure something else out for the years to come, since this is her last year eligible for MDO. In a little while, I have to pick her up, then cart her over to ballet class, but for now, I'm relishing in the silence.

Yesterday was a tough day. As I mentioned a few months ago, I am weaning myself off of my medications (and asking myself "why" daily). Right now, I am alternating my Ultram doses every other day (yesterday I took just one dose before bed; today I took one at breakfast and will take another before bed), so that I can get down to one dose a day. God has convicted me to rely on Him for my pain-relief and not on pills. If not for His strength and mercy, I surely would not have made it to today. I know He's teaching me that I can do nothing without Him! Oh, how I wish, though, that He would serve this lesson to me on a different platter. The pain I was in yesterday reminded me of how things were before my surgery. I got to a point where the pain and exhaustion took over and I HAD to lay down. God answered my prayer for rest. I did feel a bit better after an hour-long "nap" (which was more like, doze for 10 minutes, be awakened by Ella, doze for 5 minutes, etc.). Ella finally got tired of trying to wake me up and she was also hit by the sleepy bug. I guess we have worn each other out! This is what I found when I woke up around 5:40pm -



I added a few more pictures to the slide show on my week in review post. If you'd like to go back and see, click here.

Oh, and I wanted to add - was anyone else APPALLED by this article?? I may have to come back to write about this one!

Week 1 in Review!

I'm happy to report that we survived our first week of homeschool! I was (and still am) completely wiped out. Friday was our most difficult day, but I think it was mostly just fatigue taking it's toll. We've both had to adjust to this new routine. I may have to reinstitute afternoon naps or put Ella to bed earlier so that she won't be so worn out by the end of the week. There will be definite tweaking going on, as we strive to find what schedule works best for us. But, for now, I will give you what I know you've all been waiting for...our week in review! ;)



As I said in my last post, our first book to "row" was The Story about Ping. The story is just full of lessons to be learned, my favorite being that it's always better to face the consequences of our actions, rather than run from them. I'm not sure the best way to share our week with you, but I figure pictures and links are what you really want the most! Here's a slideshow of our first week:

Some of highlights from our week were:

Watching this cute video: Addem & the Ants (we studied ants as part of our Bible curriculm - ABC, I Believe)

The snacks we made each day - ants on a log, ants in the sand, fruit salad eaten with chopsticks, and panda cupcakes (we saved the best for last and have enjoyed those all weekend!).

The crafts (of course!), which included the boat you saw in the pictures, a duck made from paper plates and another made from a paper bag (if I think about it tomorrow, I'll add these pics to my slide show).

Learning the numbers 1-20 in Chinese, via Circle Time Kids (a wonderful resource!)

Learning to recite the Bible memory verse for this week and write the first part of it. The verse was "Go to the ant, O sluggard. Observe her ways and be wise." Prov. 6:6. I was never more proud of Ella than when I found out that she had recited it perfectly for my parents on Friday without my being there to prompt her. YAY! One of my memory verse strategies is making it into a short song and just singing it at random times throughout the week. Ella is definitely an auditory learner and I will be finding other ways to incorporate music, especially when learning "facts" like this. We're giving her an mp3 player for her birthday, which will mainly be used for this purpose. I plan to record each Bible verse "song", then record her recitation of the verse and put them on the mp3 player for her to review.

There is so much more I could share, but it is late and I do need sleep after this crazy week. Now that the Olympics are over (LOVED THEM!), I can *try* to go to bed at a decent hour. We have some dear friends coming to visit next weekend, so we will have school in the mornings and CHORES in the afternoons in order to prepare for their stay! Please pray that God will give me rest, even on those nights that are not very "restful". :)

School Starts Tomorrow (er, Today)!

I really thought I posted this last night!! Oh well, here's the post I meant to put up yesterday about today!

I am finally taking the plunge and just going for it! Some of my friends have already started or will be starting this week (along with public schools here), so it's a good time to begin. I also think that with the Olympics on right now, there is a lot I can tie into school! This weekend, I really poured over my curriculum and books and I'm so excited about my plans. I definitely have a strong "teacher gene" and when I get in the groove of planning, there's no stopping me! In fact, I was up til 1 AM the other night, just going to town. Since I'm doing the unit studies with Five in a Row, I want to be able to fit my Bible, applied math, and phonics together with the units. Actually, what I've done is take the unit from ABC, I Believe and have woven it throughout my math and language arts plans (along with some science). It's so cool to see it all come together! We will begin our Five in a Row with The Story About Ping, by Marjorie Flack. On Friday, I will give you a run-down of our week and, of course, will have some pictures to share.

On top of starting school, Ella will also start back to Mother's Day Out, along with ballet on Tuesdays. That will be our day off of school. I'm hoping it won't be too much of a disruption to our week. Then, she goes back to Awana's on Wed. night and will be promoted to her new Sunday school class on Sunday. Whew! It will definitely be busy and hectic and crazy, but that's our life! Oh, and I also plan to make our afternoons more physically active, so we'll be finding some fun ways to do that as well. Keep me in your prayers, please! :)

I'm so sorry I haven't written my review of The Shack yet. I know some of you have been anxiously awaiting it, but as you can see, I've been tied up lately! I do still plan to post it eventually, but for now, I will leave you with this link (thank you, Angel!) that does make many of my points for me: A Reader's Review of The Shack.

Feelin Crafty!

I started and completed a dress for Ella this week! She kept bugging me to finish it, but every time I started sewing again, she'd get upset I wasn't playing with her. Oh, to find that magic balance! I was finally able to get it done today and she was so exicted! She had to put it on right away and made plans to wear it for jammies tonight (though it's not a jammie dress, I reminded her). We checked it out in the big mirror in the bathroom and she turned around and gave me a big hug. Sweet success! :) Then, of course, we had to have a photo shoot. Now, she came up with every single pose on her own - I don't want you thinking I'm coaching her to be the next Paris Hilton! Here are a few of the best shots:








This is the bracelet she made to go with it. She came into my sewing room and started cutting up the scraps (or, "material", she would say) into little strips. She then found this piece of ladybug fabric I'd sewn up as a strap for something else. She cut a bit of it and went to get the stapler so she could put it all together. Pretty clever, eh? The cutest part was saying things like, "I think I need to cut it an inch. What do you think, Mommy? Don't talk to me while I'm working. I can't think if you're making noise, Mom." (Hmmm...where did she get that??)


Yes, I still intend to write about The Shack, but I just had to come by to post my newest creation. :)

Houston, we have a plan!

I was on such a roll with the blogging!! Sorry I've slacked off the last ten days. I've been caught up in planning and pulling together curriculum for Ella's kindergarten year which will begin around mid-September. I have done tons of internet research and have finally come up with a plan that will at least get us started. (For those of you who aren't homeschooling, just skip the next paragraph, as I'm about to bore you with the details!)

I will mainly be using Five in a Row because I love the idea of unit studies coupled with great children's literature. We've used Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons in bits and pieces this year, but we will fully focus on it in the Fall. Math is definitely Ella's forte (just like her Daddy!), so I won't bother with kindergarten level math for her. I have an older curriculum I used when I was teaching that will help her continue to build on her math skills, and I will pull activities and lessons from the internet to push her along. When I think she's ready, I may go ahead and bump her up to 1st grade Saxon Math. I have ordered the One Year Bible for Children and the lessons from ABC, I Believe to compose our Bible curriculum. We are going to sign up under Crossroads Christian School as our umbrella school, which keeps us from having to report directly to the State.

As you can see, I've been a busy girl! I'm very excited about the coming year, yet a bit apprehensive. Homeschooling an only child offers it's own challenges, namely, finding opportunities for her to be with other kids. She is somewhat lonely and that does concern me. Ella is a very social child. She absolutely loves every chance she gets to be with her friends and even begs to spend the night with anyone who'll let her (she had no qualms when she went for her first sleep-over with a friend and has been a couple of times since). Because of my back issues that also lead to a lack of energy, I cannot play with her the way I would like to and that's so hard for her. I know it's good for her to learn to play on her own, but I also know the importance of social interaction. I have to find a way to not just be her teacher, but also a playmate, of sorts. Please pray for me as I seek the Lord for strength and endurance for the upcoming year(s) of homeschooling. Just so you don't think she'll be holed up with me all week, we are at church pretty much all day Sunday, she'll continue Mother's Day Out this year, and we go on Wed. nights. I also plan to put her in a dance class next month, so she will have plenty of interaction with kids her age. It's just in the day-to-day that I think she feels sad that she doesn't have friends around. Pray, too, that we can develop relationships with our new neighbors who have kids. I know God will give her what she needs...it's just tough as a parent to figure out what's adequate. Does that make any sense??

I have more to share, but I have been a little sick this week and I'm worn out. I finally finished reading The Shack and have some thoughts to share with you that will differ from all the accolades you might have heard over this book. So, I'll save that for another post and call it a night.

You know your child was born in the digital age...

When she tells you that she can still play with you even when she's at her Memaw's house because she has a "DVSPS". With it, she can play games with you - like helping you get over the stinky mud, climb a wall, make a cake and clean your room. All you have to do is go to "phone.com" and it's all there, Mom! (I'm not sure if that's a real website & I'm not endorsing it if it is!)

Ella's definitely picked up on the fact that alot of what is talked about at home & especially on t.v. is related to the computer and the phone. She's been trying to figure out all the acronyms lately and I guess she just had a bunch of them spinning around in her mind the other day when she said all of this. The best part was how matter-of-fact she was about the whole thing. :)

Speaking of funny things kids say...

While we were shopping in Destin during our stay-cation, we sat down on a bench and she saw a treat that she wanted - a strawberry-flavored Italian ice. She started begging for it and told Paul, "C'mon Dad. Please buy it for me. You know I can have it because vacation means we can eat whatever we want!". :-) Hmmmm...I wonder what gave her that impression!

My parents celebrated their 38th wedding anniversary on July 11. We had told Ella about it and had talked a little about the meaning of the word anniversary. That Sunday, my mom cancelled lunch at her house and Ella was pretty distraught about it. After a bit of thought, she said something like, "Maybe Memaw didn't want us to come over because it's her and PawPaw's anniversary and they want to be alone." Paul & I just about fell out on that one!

And the other day she asked me if she could have a "beagle". Translation: "bagel".

That's about all I can think of right now. I need sleep! Off to read some more of The Shack and hopefully doze off into dreamland.

Preschoolers and chores

We're going to start giving Ella an allowance, but I am calling it a "commission", per Dave Ramsey's Tips for Teaching Your Kids About Money. I want her to grow up knowing that chores are a part of her contribution to the family, not something she's getting paid to do. So, I told her that if she finishes her chores each day (with some help from me) and does a little extra here and there to help me out, she will get her commission at the end of the week. We're starting with $1 per week. I have been looking for a neat way to help Ella keep up with her chores by herself. I was just delighted when I found these To Do List Jars posted by Megan on her blog called and everything nice. Since Ella can't read yet, I thought that she would need a picture prompts on each stick to help her figure out which chores she needs to complete. First I scoured the clip art sites for some cute graphics that showed jobs around the house. But, then I had a stroke of genius (I'm sure that's debatable!). Why not take a picture of Ella performing each chore, then attach each picture to a craft stick? So, we went around the house, taking cheesy pictures depicting her chores. Always the ham, Ella loved every minute! I cropped each pic into a 3"x3" square, arranged them into a Word document for easy printing, put some card stock in the printer, then hit the print button. I used some clear laminate to cover each chore card, then taped it to a stick. On the other end, I let Ella add a smiley face sticker. I used permanent marker to write the name of the chore on the picture.When she completes a chores, she turns the stick upside down to show the smiley face! We put them in a little basket that will stay on her night stand. The chores I came up with are:

1. Make the bed
2. Get dressed
3. Brush teeth (we made 2 of these and Ella put a sticker of a sun on the one for morning and a sticker with dark clouds for night)
4. Put up (dirty) laundry (in her hamper)
5. Help mommy (we showed her washing the dishes in the pic)
6. Water the plants
7. Pick up toys

To see the pictures I took for each chore (minus the one of her getting dressed!), check them out on my Flickr page. If you make a version of these, I'd love to see them. Also, what are your thoughts on giving kids an allowance? If you already give and allowance, how much is it per week? We plan to teach Ella to put aside 70% for spending, 10% for her tithe, 10% for charity, and 10% for savings. If you have any creative ideas to help us with that, let me know!

Babysitting Dilemma

First, I need to say that after my post the other day, I read a Scripture in my quiet time the next morning that convicted me:

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (emphasis mine)

I cannot lose heart in this daily battle with pain. I am so fortunate to have the Holy Spirit in me, renewing my heart each day. I need to be reminded all the time that this pain is momentary and it is LIGHT compared to what so many others endure (and as I said before, compared to Christ's sufferings!). I must DAILY look at the things which are eternal, instead of the temporal things I get so uptight about. So, I am feeling much better about everything today and continue to put my hope in that future day when I will get to shed this old skin for a brand new body! Sometimes, I just long for heaven, don't you?

Ok, now back to the reason I came to post today. I had a VBS meeting today at church and last Sunday, one of the girls that works in Ella's Sunday school class overheard me talking about it. She offered to keep Ella at her house (she's in high school, so she still lives with her parents) and let her swim (more on that in a minute!) and play a bit during the meeting. So, Ella stayed for about 2 & 1/2 hours and she had a great time. I offered to pay her today, but she said I didn't need to since she had volunteered and it was fine. I told her I'd like to hire her in the future and she told me she charges a whopping $8 an hour!! After I picked my jaw off the floor, I left. Now I feel bad about not paying her anything today and would like to give her something for her time. Do you think a $10 movie rental card would suffice? Also, I want some feedback on babysitting rates in your area. I know it probably depends on income levels in different cities, etc., but around here, $8 is a lot more than most high schoolers can make at a summer job. I used to make $3-$4/hr., but that was (oh, I don't want to say this...) 17 years ago. Times have changed, huh? Anyway, just wanted to get your input!

Now I will attempt to briefly describe how swim lessons have worked out for us the past 2 weeks. First, I need to say that Ella has been afraid of the water since she was old enough to know what water was. She went through a phase when she was around 2 when she didn't even want to take a bath. We have slowly worked through this fear, but she still has a tough time. Last year's swim lessons were a complete bust. I was really hoping that this year would be different and it was for the most part. She started out last week, very timid. She didn't even want to sit on the edge for the lesson. We worked out a little "bargaining" system with her. She's all about money right now - especially dollars. In fact, the way we finally nixed the finger-sucking was with a $5 bribe from my mother (which she had to pay up on yesterday - yay!!). Paul decided that if she couldn't do what we wanted her to do each day in swim lessons, we'd take a dollar out of her piggy bank. Each day, I added something new she had to do and it worked so well! She did freak out a lot on Wed. when they had to put on life jackets and get in the deep end. It was very difficult to convince her to go back for her last day yesterday! But, she made it. I think she's doing so much better. She's trying so hard to conquer her fear. We're going to make a deliberate effort to get her in the water a lot this summer and she will repeat her swim lessons in August. Hopefully I'll be able to report a ton of progress by then! Here are a couple of pictures. You can see the sheer terror in this one shot (sorry for the graininess - it was dark in there):





We are gearing up for VBS next week. That should be fun. I am helping with the music for the 4-year-olds. Then, we will begin our "stay-cation" on July 4 (through the 13th). I don't know if you've heard that term yet, but it's been tossed around in our local newspaper a lot lately. This year with the horrible economy, more people are just opting to take off work and stay home. We are not going to completely go that route. We will go to some of the nearby cities that have fun things to do and get in the pool a bunch! We are all very excited about it, as it will be fun just to get to enjoy our new house now that we're in it!

I'll have to post again tomorrow since I wanted to tell you about the circus last night and this post has turned into a short story. Have a great weekend!