Going to She Speaks, I admit that I did not know what to expect. I was going out of obedience to God's leading, but I had mixed feelings about the whole thing. Big crowds tend to send me into slight panic attacks and meeting new people makes me sweat so much that I feel a constant drip down my back and across my chest. Because the LORD knows me better than I know myself, He sent me in there with a precious, faithful friend, already setting my mind at ease. But, as I walked into the room of our main session a peace washed over my fretful heart that I cannot explain. I did not stumble over words as I confidently introduced myself to the woman sitting next to me. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't worried about what everyone around me thought of me. It was not until I heard Lysa TerKeurst's first words to us that I understood the calm I felt in the midst of this potential storm. She and the other women of the Proverbs 31 staff had physically stood in front of every entrance to the conference center and had proclaimed to the devil, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!". It was then I knew that God had His angels guarding the doors - barring the enemy from coming in. Wow!!! I could have gone home thrilled with this peace alone, but little did I know that God had more to say to me on this matter.
As the weekend progressed, my friend Leah and I heard several times that we needed to go to the Prayer Room. Prior to coming to the conference, I had read other women's accounts of God meeting with them in such powerful ways. I wanted to experience this kind of moment for myself. Saturday afternoon, we finally made our way inside. The room was quiet, but for the few quiet sobs of sweet sisters broken before the LORD. Comfy pillows tossed on the floor, tissue boxes carefully placed, overstuffed chairs, dimmed lights and candles greeted me like a peaceful living room in someone's home. I walked to the altar at the front of the room to seek out my name. You see, each woman attending the conference had been prayed for specifically by the Proverbs 31 staff. As these women prayed for us, they placed our names on top of the Name of God they sensed we needed the most this weekend. There, layed before me, where the Names with which I had become so familiar: Jehovah-Rophe, Elohim, Jehovah-Jireh, Yahweh, El-Shaddai. I did not find my name until I approached the last table and I have to say that I was a bit dumb-founded. The Name these ladies had selected for me through the Holy Spirit was Jehovah-Nissi, meaning "the LORD is my banner". "What does that mean?", I thought as I quickly scribbled down the Scripture verses and headed to a chair. But, as I read through those verses, God gently spoke to my heart. Here are the Scriptures in the order that I read them:
"And Moses built and altar, and named it The LORD is My Banner; and he said, 'The LORD has sworn; the LORD will have war against Amalek from generation to generation." Exodus 17:15-16
"And he shall say to them, 'Hear, O Israel, you are approaching the battle against your enemies today. Do not be fainthearted. Do not be afraid, or panic, or tremble before them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you." Deuteronomy 20:3-4
So far, I'm thinking, "Yeah, yeah, I know God fights off my enemies, but I don't really have any enemies. I don't have anyone coming against me - no one is chasing me (that I know of)! What are you trying to tell me, LORD??" So, I kept reading...
"Then it will come about in that day that the nations will resort to the root of Jesse, who will stand as a signal for the peoples; and His resting place will be glorious. Then it will happen on that day that the LORD will again recover the second time with His hand the remnant of His people, who will remain, from Assyria, Egypt, Pathros, Cush, Elam, Shinar, Hamath, and from the islands of the sea. And He will lift up a standard for the nations, and will assemble the banished ones of Israel, and will gather the dispersed of Judah from the four corners of the earth." Isaiah 11:10-12
"Finally, be strong in the LORD, and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm." Ephesians 6:10-13 (going on through verse 18, but I won't type all of that out for you - go look it up!!).
As I read those last few verses, the light bulb suddenly came on! God, in His infinite wisdom, was showing me that my enemies were not those of flesh and blood, but the rulers and powers of darkness. My enemies are named Insecurity, Doubt, and Fear of Failure. Another big one is Man's Approval. In that quiet, peaceful place, God showed me that HE IS MY BANNER when I face these tried and true enemies that always pop up when I set out on a new course for Him. I do not have to be afraid, panic, or tremble before them, for He goes with me to fight off the enemies and He saves me - every. single. time. It is time that I take up His armor, allow for His full protection, and head straight into battle, knowing that it is not my war to fight. The battle belongs to the LORD!