It's late, I know, but I am up as usual. Though the quality of my sleep seems to be getting better, it is still hard to fall asleep, so I try to stay busy til I literally drop! Thus, the 12 AM blog...
I am up tonight struggling with God over where and how to spend my time. This is nothing new to the Christian life - there must be hundreds of books written on the subject of priorities, time management, putting God first, etc. Because God is God, He gives us free will. It's hard to understand sometimes. As a parent of a young child, I am the one who mostly dictates how she spends her time. I take her places I need to go or places I believe she should go. I force her to get involved in activities I know will benefit her. I decide when it's time for school, meals, tv, play, books, and all the other countless parts of her day. That's all well and good for right now, but I do know that one day (sooner rather than later), she will have to choose how to spend her minutes, hours, and days. I will have to let go and trust that I have raised her well enough to do good things with her time. Of course, this is not exactly the way it is with God, is it? He has never been a dictator over me and has never forced me to spend my time well. He has always allowed me to make choices in my life, guiding me with His Hand, not pushing me one way or another. At times I wish He would shove me in the direction of His perfect path for me (oh, there are times He does give me a hardy tug!) instead of giving me this freedom. But, if the freedom were gone, there would be no love for my Master, no sacrifice of self, no desire for truth. If life were just handed to me on a silver platter with a perfect schedule all made out, there would be no need for a daily walk with Him - I could go it alone, knowing each step was laid out ahead of me, not needing a Savior to rescue me, to hold me up, to carry me when I fall. So, where is this all leading, you may ask? Well, as you see, I am having a difficult time determining the activities/ministries/missions that are in His plan for me. I definitely believe He has a way for me that is a perfect path, but He does not force it upon me. As I go along, I make choices and may flounder off the path for a while or may take a detour here and there. All along, He is there, desiring His best for me and when I seek Him, I find it and get right back on that path. What do you do when He has laid out many wonderful choices in front of you? I know full well that He does not want me to say "yes" to each and every opportunity (been there, done that...was left with piercing pain in my stomach until I said "no"). But, how can I know the BEST choice? The one that leads to peace and blessings from Him. The one through which He will be most highly glorified. If I knew the answer, I would not be up rambling on so. I do know that getting into His Word is the very best thing to do in times like this and should probably be doing that instead of blogging right now. I also know that fervent prayer and close relationship with Him are my only hope for knowing His Voice. I pray that He will reveal to me the next steps for me to take and that I will not allow my flesh to get in the way. I don't want to let chronic pain be my easy way out of walking the road He has for me! And I certainly don't want to choose ministries based on the approval of other people (this is such a biggie for me...I want people to like me!!). Do any of you have the same struggles with your time? How has God led you to those things that are His best for you?
3 comments:
Jenny, it is so hard to know if we are doing something because that is what we want to do or because it is something God wants us to do. I struggle with this all the time. I also find myself seeking approval from other people. I have to constantly remind myself that I should be seeking approval from God not people. I think this is just part of the sin nature. As long as you are in communion with God and continually seek his will you will find the right things for you. That doesn't mean that you won't make poor choices or stumble along the way (believe me...I know!) All of this to say, that I don't have it all figured out yet either. I will pray that God's will would be very evident in your life and that He would help guide you in your decisions.
I started writing a comment and realized it's so long. I think I'll email you instead.
bother Yahoo - it wouldn't send my email and now it's gone...
Jenny - the only advice I can give you is that the best choices I've made have all been done because of a strong pull I got in a particular direction and the peace I got once I'd made the decision. Sometimes events also worked out to lead me in a a particular path.
Keep praying and try and leave it in His hands.
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