Healing Comes Through Brokenness

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." ~ Psalm 51:17

Pain shoots like a razor through muscle, bone and sinew.  Makes me take notice.  Doubles me over.  Takes my breath away.  It does not relent.  Though it comes like lightening, it settles in like fog.  Weighing me down and bolting me to the easy chair.  Tears come, but I fight them back until they disappear - not wanting to appear weak.  I've done enough complaining.  I've shed enough tears. 

The pain has become my constant companion and I've had to accept that it will not leave. 

This pain, though I did not ask for it, is a blessing.  A reminder of what it means to be broken.  Rent.  Weak.  Dependent. 

A reminder of my sin.  Of the sins of man.  Of the fallen world in which we live.

This sin is the very thing that drove the nails into godly flesh, tearing into muscle, bone, and sinew.  It broke Him.  Ripped His heart apart. 

If I will bow my life before Him, it breaks me, too.  Here I stand, bleeding before Him.  Torn apart by my sin.  The sin that separated me from Him for far too long. 

For now, I let that pain linger.  I let it sit and mull and dwell in my soul.  It stirs me.  It sifts my intentions and the motives of my heart. 

But, if I am not careful, I can medicate this pain with the things of this world.  Shiny distractions.  Self-carved idols.  They help to dull the ache of the reality of my sin.  I busy myself with everyday life in order to hush the still, small voice that calls to me from the depths. 

The pain comes once again.  Sharp, unrelenting.  I fall to my knees in repentance.  Beg for a clean, new heart.  For the Great Physician to sew up my wounds.  Release me from this pain. 

I have had to learn this lesson all too often.  Healing only comes from being broken.  Oh, that God would break our hearts for our sins and the sins of our land.  Only then will true healing come. 

"Let your hearts be broken, and not your clothing, and come back to the Lord your God: for he is full of grace and pity, slow to be angry and great in mercy, ready to be turned from his purpose of punishment." ~ Joel 2:13

"Brokenness is the way of blessing, the way of fragrance, the way of fruitfulness, but it is also a path sprinkled with blood. Yes, there is blood from many wounds. When we offer ourselves to the Lord to be at His service, we cannot afford to be lenient, to spare ourselves. We must allow the Lord utterly to crack our outward man, so that He may find a way for His out working."   The Importance of Brokenness ~ Watchman Nee

Below is a song I wrote out of a time of physical and spiritual brokenness.  I pray God uses it to speak to your heart. 

Broken

As I look in the mirror, all that I see
Is a shattered reflection of who I'm supposed to be
These scars that I bear tell of hurt and regret
Constant reminders of the life I have led (and I am)

Chorus 1:
Broken, before You now
Broken, and I don't know how
To let You come in
And let the healing begin

Staring at that old mirror, I can barely make out
A glimmer of light, in spite of all my doubt
The veil slips away, and Your glory shines through
But, how can I be a reflection of You (when I am)

(Chorus 1)

As I sit and ponder the cross,
Consider all that You've lost,
You know it's hard to believe
That You did that just for me

Chorus 2:
Your body was broken before me now
Broken, just to show me how
To let You come in
And let the healing begin

There will come a day, when I see Your precious face
And the heartache I've known, will all be erased
I've seen just a glimpse of what I will behold
When I stand transformed at the sight of my LORD

Chorus 3:
No longer broken, before You now
No longer broken, and I don't know how
You let me come in
And let the healing begin
Oh, let the healing begin
Oh, let the healing begin

Words & Music by Jenny Thompson © 2011